haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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