Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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