dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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