I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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