So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
