he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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