I think my vagina is haunted
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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