I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
