I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
