i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
