the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
