I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
