Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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