My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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