Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
