The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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