and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
