Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
