ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Nobody cheats on THIS.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
