There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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