She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
