Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
