The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the day after is always just damage control
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
