You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
