My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
