Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
