I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
