Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
