I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
