her vagine was all disorganized.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
