While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
