yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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