Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
