you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
