after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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