Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
