Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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