WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i dont even know how to be here
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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