Just cropdusted the office
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
