i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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