as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
