maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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