THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
