I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
there is glitter all over my balls
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
