Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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