The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I need a beard to bite.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
