It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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