I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
