if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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