why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
