My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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